“Operation Splatfall: Rise of the Pigeon Unit”
Deep in the heart of the city, high above the streets, they wait.
They are not your average pigeons. These aren’t the birds cooing outside grandma’s window or pecking at discarded fries in the parking lot.
No.
These are The Dropp Squad — an elite team of avian snipers trained in aerial precision strikes using nature’s most devastating weapon: acidic poop.
Code Name: Splatfall
Each member was hand-selected from the grimiest gutters of New York, the most unforgiving sidewalks of Las Vegas, and the chaotic skies of L.A. Together, they form a covert unit known only in whispers among pest control experts: S.P.L.A.T.
(Strategic Pigeon League of Aerial Tacticians)
Their mission?
“To seek, soil, and ruin anything freshly washed or remotely valuable.”
Targets include:
Freshly waxed cars
Solar panels
Delivery trucks
Statues, heads preferred
That one guy who just got a new white convertible
Meet the Unit:
Commander Cluck Norris – Veteran of the Great Park War of 2012. Leads with iron wings and no mercy. Once took out a BMW from 60 feet in a crosswind.
Sergeant Skidmark – Known for his unique “loop ‘n’ drop” technique. Can hit a moving windshield with uncanny accuracy. Windshield wipers fear him.
Tech Specialist Poo-Rambo – Maps target trajectories using high-altitude satellite pigeons. His favorite quote? “Science is power. Poop is precision.”
Distraction Expert Lady McSplat – Lures victims with innocent cooing before the team strikes. Once fooled an entire wedding party.
Mission Log #019: Operation Tesla Toast
Their latest assignment?
A local neighborhood in full suburban bloom. Clean cars. Shiny chrome. Vulnerable roofs.
The team dove in at dawn.
Skidmark took the Tesla. McSplat hit the realtor’s BMW. Cluck Norris?
A white patio umbrella — civilian target, zero regrets.
By noon, half the cul-de-sac looked like it had been through a dairy-based apocalypse.
But There Is Hope…
Tired of being on the losing side of the feathered war?
We’ve got the tools to ground even the most elite poop-squadron. Our pigeon control services are designed to deter nesting, block access, and send a clear message:
“This is not your toilet.”
Whether you’ve got a rooftop rebellion or a statue slowly dissolving in shame, we can help.